To fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of

I was just informed a few days ago that a child hood friend of mine is going to USC with a half scholarship. A year early. And this was someone I grew up with. As I talked to my dad about him I could see the admiration through my dad's eyes, how proud my friend's mom must be of him, how my dad wished that his own children could be just as successful if not more successful that than boy. I felt so bad for my dad, having two children, both not as successful as that boy at such a young age. And just a few hours ago I was discussion with him over lunch my plans of my future career (not all of it ;]).

I told him "Sorry I'm not that successful..." and all he said was, "It's okay, Ai-Yi worked hard on him, and I believe you'll be successful in what ever you do."

Just flashing back to my history makes me depressed, I've disappointed my dad numerous times, but today was just a reminder as to how hard I have to work. Not for the sake of myself and my own asiprations, but for my dad's pride and joy. In order to allow my dad to feel the achievement of bringing up a good child, I must succeed in getting my B.S. and my minor, take the best possible pictures I can, hopefully end up getting paid to take pictures, and become an awesome snowboarder that people would actually want to sponsor. But the biggest dream of all would be to get paid to play my cello, the instrument that my dad loves the most. Even though that dream is nearly impossible with the competition, I know everytime I come home, I'll just play the cello and my dad will have a smile on his face. Even if I tell him to get out of my room, I know he's listening near by with a smile as big as mine.

I can no longer disappoint my dad anymore. Everyone tells me to just change majors because I seem so disinterested in Biology. But, to be honest, I'm not doing it for myself, it's for my family, everyone believes I'm still going to be the vet I dreamed of becomming when I was younger. It was the only thing I would talk about everytime someone asked me what I wanted to become. I can't back out on everyone now going, "Just kidding." To other people, it's my life and I can do what ever I want, I should do what ever I want. But, in my mind, I'm here for my family, I will do what they imagine me doing to satisfy them. I live for them and friends... they are my life...