A hollow muscular organ of vertebrate animals that by its rhythmic contraction acts as a force pump maintaining the circulation of the blood

Do you ever get that feeling? Where your heart just hurts, and there's no specific reason why... I'm not talking about a "heart break" over some guy. Just the feeling that something's lost and you can never gain it back...Or there are just things you can never prevent.

If you've known me long enough, or well enough, you know that I don't like making decisions unless I am 100% sureof what I want (which is less than 25% of the time). If you ask me what I want to eat, I wouldn't know unless I'm craving something (which is also rare). You could keep asking me what/where I want to go to eat, I couldn't give you an answer even if you gave me a whole day to decide. Why can't I decide? Even with my own future, I can't decide what I want anymore. I was so prepared through middle school. I knew exactly want I wanted, exactly which classes I was going to take, and which college/gradschool I wanted to go to. I had everything down to the fine line details, but now that I'm in college, I can't even decide what I want to major in anymore. My path doesn't just go two different routes, there is a third and a fourth now. Why can't I be realisitic with myself? No matter how hard I try, I can't convince myself to just keep my mind on ONE future. Okay maybe thinking of the future is too much, but I can't even decide who I want to be around anymore (friends). This has always been a probem for me, ever since I moved in middle school. I honestly just wish I was back in middleschool or younger. When my ignorance was the best thing in the world.

I hate when things change. I hate how time moves on, and I can't hold on to the past no matter how hard i try. I use to love hanging out with my cousins. Doing nothing, playing video games, just fooling around. But now, we hardly even see eachother, but when we do it's only for a few hours and we're not always together or we're all doing our own thing. It'll never be the same no matter how hard I try to make it how it was. Family vacations will no longer be the same, because we are no longer the same age and our interests are no longer the same. Nothing will ever be the same, the comfort of knowing will never be there.